“Oh, no she di’nt”..

So, a few months back I was at a bar/club with some fine R&B pulsating throughout & dancing at the upstairs part of the establishment. I was in the corner w/some friends celebrating one of their birthdays & enjoying my mojito & the beats. Two of them dispersed to find a bathroom or grab a drink, I was contently looking around people watching & noticed a guy in the next corner about three feet away looking at me, I caught his eye & he caught mine. He had the most beautiful silky dark brown clear skin. I was looking out into the colorful lit dance floor, looked to my right & silky skin guy was looking at me & I did not look away. I raised my glass & said “Hey” & we walked towards each other, met halfway & stopped.

The conversation was easy, we liked each other’s smiles, we were cute haha. There were two girls next to us sharing a scorpion bowl, he was not with them. One of the girls looked like the shooter girl from earlier, the girl walking around with her tray selling colorful shooter shots downstairs. I glanced over & she glanced back “Oh, do you work here?” I said, “Uh no” she replied as in ‘bitch please’. “Oh, you look exactly like the girl from earlier selling the shooter shots” & turned all my attention to him, ‘the easy like Sunday morning’ guy.

We were chatting it up, talking about where we were from & what we did (I could feel the look-alike shooter girl looking and listening to me). We started dancing, well I was doing a goofy dance around him while he was keeled over smiling & then started dancing together. “I’ll be right back, you wanna drink?” he said, “No, I’m good. Oh, wait I’ll have a water, can you get me a water?” He nodded. The girl drinking the scorpion bowl made a b-line right towards him while he was at the bar. She was talking & I could feel what it was about & then they were talking together. I walked over to get a water & he walked over towards the bathrooms, she was staring at me “Is there a problem?” I asked, “No”, “Do you know him?” “No”, she said. “Because it seems like you have a problem or there is a problem & you confronted him about us or me”. & she gave me a whatever sneer, I said calmly “Just stay out of my business” & she pushed my shoulder with her hand, not a whole lot gets me mad, that did. Louder, “Stay the fuck out of my business & don’t touch me, bitch!”, I was horrified that I said that. What got me so mad was, she ‘thought’ she was intitled & it was her God-given right & her ALL & EVERY right to intervene & get in our business because her skin color was darker than mine, & she & he were more black than I. & she didn’t even know my ethnicity (actually I’m not, well if you even consider a little Spanish & African a lil’ blackish)! Next thing I know a swarm of six-foot-tall bouncers surrounded that girl & I, most were black, some were not, tensions were high. A calm bouncer approached me smiling “You wanna go downstairs?” he asked “Yes” & as we were walking away I looked back at the guy & he & I were looking sweetly into each other’s eyes, & I know for a fact we were both singing the Adele song to ourselves “We could’ve had it allllllllllllllll all all” as I was walking away.

I would never in my life recognize Divine or Daniel (I forget was a few months ago) if I ever saw him again. & the GIF above looked nothing like her, just thought it was funny. Actually, she was really petite & looked like a light-skinned Pam Grier. After the fact she had her head down & was a doe-eyed mute feeling guilty or trying to look all innocent, pathetic! I guess the point I’m trying to get across, is African American racial struggles really hurt me deep down, I can sometimes take it to heart & personal. And maybe the fact that I was a little older & our mindsets were different, but over a lighter fucking skin tone, she thought it was ALL her right to intervene & get in my business like that? Oh, no she di’nt! That guy & I were really enjoying talking to each other.

As I’m waiting outside my friends stumble out of the bar laughing their asses off, I lift up both of my arms over my head & yell “I JUST GOT KICKED OUT OF A BAR, I’M A WARRIOR”. I think the last time I got kicked out of a bar was in my early twenties when my friend got caught smoking weed in the bathroom stall out West. So myself & my hooligan lady pack went to the little dive around the corner. I wish more people could feel or be completely free, like the writer Candace Owens & not feel strapped to their past (her written words), or think any other ethnicity thinks that. But, then again everyone has their own individual story & you cannot stereotype or know how they’re feeling.

“You might want to think twice before you start groping sir”..

Now, what is it with all these high profile men political & non-political with unwarranted groping of women lately? Are you just stupid, because you know you’ll get caught eventually & would have to resign or lose your high powered job that you probably loved? Do you have little or no respect & don’t really care about women? Or are some wires loose in your brain? listen up men, PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING TOUCHED UNWARRENTED & WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, PERIOD (I know I don’t)! They feel violated & uncomfortable, just like how you would feel if it happens to you/men! Listen up one more time, please๐Ÿ˜Š we’re basically the same, two people (not one human & one alien) two humans, except we pee differently & some have more physical strength than women, w/a few more minor differences, other than that that’s it, WE’RE THE SAME RACE, THE HUMAN RACE! We have the same brain, we bleed, we hurt, we feel shame, we feel violated the same & feel embarrassed & uncomfortable just the same & we’re both equal & have the same life priveledges.

I think society is partly to blame, that some men have no respect for women & they think they have a right or entitled to harass, grope or touch women without their permission. And some men think theyโ€™re more superior to women. Which is BS I might add, obviously.

This #MeToo movement is a good thing, it’s opening up men’s eyes & seeing how it really hurts women (a person)! When men are groped unwarranted & without their permission, they feel just as hurt & violated as women do, they feel the same shame, embarrassment & same level of un-comfortability. So next time you feel the urge to reach out & grope a woman (or another male) or harass think about the same feelings you would have if it was reversed & about to happen to you, & maybe your arm will stop in mid-grope & you will have a change of mind. Also, because one of these days you’re gonna reach out & grope the wrong woman & get a karate chop kick right to the shin. With this #MeToo movement out in the open now, too little women will let you get away with it.

If equal pay & gender equality is prevalent in some companies and towns, it would be great if that could be spread out into the universe & have it be affected globally. K, thanks..

I’m sometimes puzzled when I hear about the gender equality & equal pay fight, protests & struggles in the news & globally. I’ve had groups of guy friends where gender equality was equal, & worked on sales teams w/both guys & gals in the office where we were paid equally for the same job. Gender equality really hasn’t affected me personally, & equal pay in the office, that I know of. So when I hear it happening, to me it seems like it’s happening in a parallel universe. But, I know it’s real & I want it to change (not really sure on how I go about that, though). I want to see real change in the near future, badly. I WANT EQUAL EQUALITY FOR ALL, & WANT IT SOON. WE’RE ONE RACE, THE HUMAN RACE.

I’m not going to write about Trump, it’s just not the kind of stuff I want to write. But, will say this…Trump clearly loves America, but seems to, at times dislike & not care about Americans. He divides people/groups & is dangerous. When he speaks his mind & sends out crazy Tweets he causes tension & anxiety, & makes America vulnerable to outside opponents. He knows this, why does he still do it? Does he not care? I think #MAGA will have its negative consequences in the short term. He’s a horrible president!! In two years ‘Poof, he be gone’, I choose to focus on that.

“Don’t shoot!”

In the early 80’s myself, parents, sister & two brothers moved into our suburban three level house w/an attic (yes it was big for our little beings & bodies). A month before we moved, my sister would ask me every night before falling asleep in our shared bedroom “Do you want to move?” Yes, she was the annoying sister, intentionally of course. So that summer move-in day on a Saturday arrived. The elderly man/owner died in one of the rooms of our new house, that is actually one cool & a little creepy part of the story. The real estate agent mentioned to my parents that the previous owner owned a gun, hidden somewhere in the house, he had no relatives or he didn’t tell anyone so no one knew where. When my parents relayed the news to us out of caution, our little eyes widened up w/excitement upon hearing, to kids ‘it was hella cool news’. So the race & treasure hunt began for myself & my siblings to find it. So the whole summer we looked all over, thoroughly. Up & down, high & low & by the end of summer our young tired minds were sure the gun was not in OUR house. Even at one point, I almost convinced my parents to bash down a wall, I was so sure it was behind this particular wall. After this walls wallpaper was stripped off there was a sketch of a skeleton playing the piano (& it was a really good drawing too, not from an amateur). I screamed, “THE GUN IS IN THE WALL, I KNOW IT IS!” My parents turned to look at each other & I was gone, went off looking for a sledgehammer and when I returned I knew bashing in a wall was too good to be true by my parent’s expressions. “No, we’re not knocking down this wall. If the gun is behind there, it will keep us safe & is staying there.” So, convinced once again that the gun ‘was’ in our house, behind the wall, my siblings & I started our new school year & eventually forgot about it.

A few months later as I was looking out the window that winter day, at 8 inches of snow I yelled, “Yeah, no school” & did a happy dance in my pink onesies! My older brother & sister & I were up in the playroom on the 3rd floor (my little brother was downstairs). My brother John was rolling around the room on this little square wooden bench w/wheels, he had his hands underneath it to support himself. All I heard him say was “A trap door”, as he slid it open he pulled out a box of bullets. I watched as all this unfold with razor-sharp focus ready to jump in & try to avert the problem, then he pulled out another box & opened it & screamed, “It’s a gun”! He then pointed in my sister’s direction & she screamed, I shot up quick on my feet realizing with a solution & ran downstairs to my mother screaming, “MA, WE FOUND THE GUN!” Everything was a blur after that, so she must’ve ran up the stairs grabbed the bullets & gun & hid them till my father got home. Hours later I watched my dad take the gun out of the box in the kitchen, knowing it didn’t have any bullets in it, he put only his arm w/the gun in hand out the back door pointed up & pulled the trigger….The gun w/out bullets didn’t go off. A couple of weeks later my father came home from work & said “We’re going to the gun range with Mr. McKenzie, the guy I work with tomorrow, he owns guns”, I didn’t know how or what to think about that. So my turn was up, it was an outside range. My father had to hold my eight-year-old frame down by my shoulders so I wouldn’t thrust back ten feet & crack my head. I don’t know about my head cracking, but I do know after shooting it if he didn’t secure me by my shoulders I surely would’ve shot back ten feet & landed on my ass.

I didn’t enjoy the experience, it was not pleasant or thrilling for me at all (& I was young, if I didn’t enjoy shooting a gun as a kid I definitely wouldn’t enjoy it as an adult). And I have no desire to shoot a gun at a range ever again.

Science is cool, but not very forgiving..

And that is why I love it, find it beyond fascinating…..Science owns & controls us, we don’t own or control science, respectfully. It is a never-ending living entity, we are its subjects & we need to listen to what it’s telling us & document it accordingly & carefully work on correcting it if we see the need w/out disrupting that natural progression of it. It’s dangerous to ignore what it’s telling us or to make up our own finding & form our own opinion of it. It’s dangerous to dismiss it & to disagree with it, again it controls us not the other way around & we need to respect that. Global warming is real, & the slow demise of it on our planet is partly due to humans/humanity, humans are ruining our planet & once we all know that & to respect & work beside it, things could/will change for the better. Taking over & forming our own opinions is disrespectful & wrong. The article in The Hill about the CDC being banned from using the phrases ‘science & evidence-based findings’ from official documents from the current administration…..That is part of the problem with some power hungry political brains in Washington & some scientists, about ignoring/sweeping it under the rug & dismissing science-based facts, taking over & forming their own opinions & findings of global warming, again humans do not control it. Science & science-based findings do not lie (When whichever scientist is documenting it correctly, mind you) & it is very very dangerous for the current administration to ignore these findings, to take control over it & form their own opinion. It’s ignorant & arrogant & will hurt our planet very badly in the long run. Humans always try to take over something & own it when it’s sometimes beyond their scope & control, & they shouldn’t. It is always their first instinct, & when it comes to global warming and some parts of science they’re wrong. Oh, boy do I miss Barack Obama’s administration.

Back to my love & respect for science….OK, with industries like technology & finance, for instance, it is black & white with right & wrong answers & can be taken over & controlled by people. With science it can not, it is not black & white, with right or wrong answers. Again it controls us & we need to respectfully stand beside it, listen & document it precisely & accordingly & work w/it. In science life will always find a way, in science there are endless beyond endless possibilities that can never be controlled (it would be just wrong) & can’t be completely understood by humans, a lot of it is 100% unpredictable & I find great comfort in that, it is the great unknown (not to mention THE GREAT UNKNOWN of our solar system, my bad, can’t believe I almost forgot that). Humans, the planet, the world we live in is about & is science. It’s not to be controlled or ran by humans, it’s only to be respected & worked by & on its side. Btw this piece is not a comparison of science/evolution & religion, I believe both exist in this world. I believe in some sort of otherworldy celestial beings. I hope the next elected US president in 2020 or 2024 to be a scientist or from scientific field very badly! I think it is so important & needed!

I work in the clinical trial medical research field (the lab I work with detects cancer on a molecular level), & those medical researchers got it down. They listen to it, they understand & give it the respect it needs & knows the importance of working beside it & not working over or above it. Btw I just love this quote below, & it has nothing to do w/not getting involved & protecting the human & animal species when the time arises, as we 100% should.

“When we think we have something figured out & 100% completely confident about science, or species close to becoming extinct, life will always find a way. And science will always have another way.”

I must’ve been Indian in my past life..

If such a thing exists….I just don’t know how else to explain it, it only happens w/people from India. Ever since my teens & exposed to Hinduism & the Indian culture I’ve had a natural understanding, a deep bond and instant connection with Indian (men, women, old or young it doesn’t matter) people & their culture. It’s an instantaneous connection, it never fails, now I just don’t know if I just adore the people (they’re so kind, laidback & so so funny), culture, food  (not too crazy for curry though, but everything else I love) or country, or we have a similar humor & we’re just peaceful souls. Or the fact that I wanted so bad to be an Indian woman, where I can wear jewels on my face, a sari & a dupatta scarf, not to mention they’re the most beautiful women. And I absolutely adore Hinduism, I love the fact that they have many gods, both male & female I might add. Radha Krishna is my favorite (pictured above) they’re collectively known within Hinduism as the combination of both the feminine as well as the masculine aspects of God. It is believed that Krishna enchants the world, but Radha “Enchants even Him. Therefore She is the supreme goddess of all. Radha Krishna”.

“Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” -Swami Sivananda

Pure…….

The infuriating article is below, horrible! It was sad, hopeless, narrow-minded, arrogant & w/an immature mindset. It’s contradicting, to say the least.

Yes, evolution is a natural progression, & millions of years ago when there was no human life to protect the animal species. Extinction happened predictably because there were no means to stop it. Millions of years later we the human race are living on their earth, this is their home & they were here first. It would be inhumane to let extinction happen w/out human interference, it would be neanderthal-like wouldn’t you say? Put aside the animal race for a second. Our forefathers conserve and protect the land for future generations. We’re here to protect the human race, present & future. We’re here to protect our home. The animal species is our home, again we’re living on their earth. Not protecting the animal species, in other words, is not protecting our home. And it’s our responsibility to protect the environment which is a part of their home. The comprehension of how wrong it is, is mind-blowing.

Think of it this way, if we the human race were here first & this was our earth before the animal race. Would evolution be a natural progression of the extinction of millions of humans wiped out by an asteroid or dozens of insidious diseases, such as AIDS, Malaria, Ebola or dengue and yellow fever? We live on a planet with the most exotic beautiful creatures, which is a part of OUR habitat & OUR planet. This article was pure rubbish.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/we-dont-need-to-save-endangered-species-extinction-is-part-of-evolution/2017/11/21/57fc5658-cdb4-11e7-a1a3-0d1e45a6de3d_story.html?utm_term=.bcedfa7bb33d

My mother and Robert Duvall would of been very happy together..

Ahhhh escapism…My mother adores movies, I think she adored escapism more. She saw the 80’s movie Tender Mercies over 50 times. Robert was her secret boyfriend for sure! I definitely got my creativity from my mother, my father absolutely not, he was an engineer & a mechanical robot, & creatively illiterate. My mother instilled her love of movies & books in me, she was a ferocious reader. She was absolutely beautiful (pictured above, this photo doesn’t do her justice), she looked like a young Candice Bergen & I was in awe of her. Now she says she is in awe of me. She loved music too, Bruce Springsteen & Eric Clapton were two of her favorites. She made me listen to Eric Clapton over and over & I came to appreciate him even more, he became one of my favorites too.

I loved Saturday’s where we would escape for an hr or two & go to a matinee. She would escape my grumpy father & housework, & I would escape my annoying siblings. I definitely got my silliness & goofiness from her as well. I would be cooking dinner & the next minute I would break out w/my bad funky self in song & dance. This is just me showing my appreciation & a way to pay homage to this smart, kind, beautiful woman.

 

I’m gonna control you with my mind in 1, 2..

As a kid, I’ve been fascinated with the thought of mind control with only your thoughts. It all started when I was around nine when my parents were concerned that I had trouble opening up & they needed a little help, after all they had 3 other kids to tend to. So they brought me to a young woman who was a psychologist. As I sat in her office waiting, I said to myself (would not say those exact words to her though) “Look lady I know why I’m here, I have rapid thoughts & I understand things fast, but it’s all good I have it under control. I just don’t share everything that I’m thinking with my parents because they’re just so busy. But they’re whip-smart”. So the young woman sits down & she start’s asking me questions about school, my friends, home life etc.. And I basically took over the conversation because my nine-year-old-self-knew why I was there & I wanted to protect my parents, but at the same time I was too young at the thought that this woman could still help me in some way. So I started saying “Tomorrow’s Saturday & it’s gonna be one of the hottest days of the week & we just built an Olympic size swimming pool & we are having a cookout for my sister & brothers birthday, you should come you’re welcome (feeling so proud & w/the weight of my brother & sister’s birthday & the world on my shoulder).” She took control of the conversation immediately, as the professional she was. She said, “Oh sorry sweetheart it would be against the rules to come to a party of my patient’s. Maybe some other time, I now just want to get to the root of your parent’s problem”. I liked her instantly at the thought, that she said ‘my parent’s problem’ & ‘not mine’. I proceeded to explain to her that it was easy for me to understand things quickly. She said she wanted me to take a test & ended the session.

Two weeks later the psychologist met with my parents & said “Christine process’ thoughts differently. Her thought process is more elevated than most people.”. When I heard this, deep down I had an idea of what she was talking about, but I was still young to grasp the psychology of it all & I thought I had some sort of superpowers with my mind like I could make things happen. For instance, if I was hungry one afternoon after school & if I tried hard I could make a cheeseburger appear in my top dresser drawer with my mind. & when it wouldn’t happen, I wasn’t too surprised. I absolutely LOVE me some Dean Koontz & Stephen King novels about having superpower abilities w/only your mind! Some of my fiction will def include that. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜Ž

When your features match the ethnicity you relate to, but your skin color does not..

I’m mostly Irish & German w/a little African & Spanish. My dark eyes & skin tone comes from my father, my mother is pure ivory w/milky white skin & blonde hair. I grew up in the 80’s & early 90’s, one thing I’ve learned when your looks stand out a little in an all-white neighborhood is that kids are just mean! My sister (pictured above) & I were vilified by bullies, we were called the ‘N’ word constantly & occasionally rocks were thrown at us. My sister was older & took the brunt of it, not only was the ‘N’ word spewed at her daily her nickname was Jimi Hendrix (she’s honored now, of course, he was an amazing musician)! My older brother married young, to a mixed-race girl whose large extended family from Ghana on her mother’s side became a part of our family. It’s one culture that is a part of & in me, which I relate to & who I am.

Sometimes it feels odd having it a part of me & my skin color not exactly matching. Meaning that there are certain things you can’t do or say as a white person around African American people, which is appropriate. But, sometimes I forget & get myself into trouble….For instance, Grace who was an African woman (she passed) who was a part of my family who I sometimes referred to her as Nelson Mandela, because she actually looked like him (now this is w/African American groups I’m around other than my family). And if I use hip-hop slang I can just feel the thought “Yeah whatcha know about it, white girl? Shut yo mouth!” around me. Now, I am not complaining that I have to suppress myself, I do it out of respect. But, it just feels weird & unnatural sometimes. There’s only one race, people often forget that! THE HUMAN RACE!